that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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