Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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