at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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