is your mom at the bar?
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
