I will die if light touches me.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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