I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
