On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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