I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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