I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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