I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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