dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
