That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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