I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
