so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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