guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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