HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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