And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
