i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
