the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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