You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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