Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
