I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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