You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
