I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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