I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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