you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize