I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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