she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
