My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
