and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize