That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
