You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
40s are totally the cure
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm way too hungover for life right now
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
