Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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