I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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