I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
