so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
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Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
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Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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