Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
