I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
