Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
from now on my penis is your penis
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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