My underwear smells like fireworks.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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