my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
