On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
