I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
