i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
