just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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