grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
