My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
