so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize