Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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