she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
