I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I could make wine with my vomit
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
