Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
