i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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