Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
