I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
