A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
