I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
