I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
