no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
