You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sext me about skeletons
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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