every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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