I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
