Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
