So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
