Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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