the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
