I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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