I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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