Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
