im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
