i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
