My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
