U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
